


Flight Risk

by Maddie_Jae



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, M/M, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maddie_Jae/pseuds/Maddie_Jae
Summary: Castiel leaves all the time; his absence is usually preceeded by a fight of some sort, and he's usually home within a few days.This time is different, there hadn't been a fight.  And Cas has been gone for far too long.





	Flight Risk

Dean’s voicemail had a little red ‘1’ at the top.  He didn’t have to look to know it wouldn’t be from the person he wanted it to be from, but he looked anyway.  Sure enough, it was just Sam.

_“Hey, Dean, it’s me. Charlie, Kevin, and I are going out tonight, we’d all really like to see you there.  I know things have been hard these past few weeks, but maybe spending time outside of yours and Cas’s place will cheer you up.  We’re meeting at The Roadhouse at 9, hope to see you.”_

The little brat didn’t have to sound so sarcastic about it.  Dean squeezed his eyes shut as the light from his phone blinded him in the split second before he locked the screen.  He shoved the phone under his pillow and tried to ignore the burrowing guilt that Sam’s voicemail had inflicted.

What did Sam know, anyhow?  So Dean hadn’t gone out with the group in awhile, it didn’t mean anything.  And if he hadn’t been out with his friends since a few days before Cas left, that didn’t mean anything, either.

He hadn’t missed a day of work, hadn’t gone and drank an entire liquor store.  Instead, he’d stayed home, lied in bed watching Netflix on his phone and not thinking about anything.  Especially not thinking about Cas. He hadn’t left the house except to go to work. His kitchen was running low on basically everything, but he couldn’t really find it in him to care.

Why he ever thought it’d be a good idea to fall head over heels for a flighty mother fucker like Castiel Novak was beyond Dean.  Cas had left before, a couple times actually. He’d be gone anywhere from 5 minutes to overnight, it didn’t matter how long he was gone, Dean would be worried sick. Cas would always come home, though, usually within a weekend, ready to work through whatever crisis had sent him running.  He was always sorry for leaving, knew that Dean had abandonment issues (though Dean would never admit to it, especially phrased like that), and always promised that he would work on his knee-jerk reaction that was ‘hit the road’.

Dean would always forgive him, because he was in love with Cas.  Man, was that ever kicking him in the ass now.

This time felt different.  This time _was_ different.  Usually there would be some precipitating factor that Dean could blame.  It was usually something small, a squabble over this or that. Once it was an argument over Cas smoking pot in their bathroom; even with the exhaust fan on, it smelled up the whole house.  They’d gotten into a short but passionate shouting match and Cas had been gone for two nights.

This time, there was nothing.  They hadn’t been fighting, Dean hadn’t been on Cas’s case about getting a real job instead of volunteering at the animal shelter.  Hell, they’d even had friggin’ _great_ sex the night before Cas was up and gone.  

From day one, (the day Dean usually spent cleaning up the apartment after his slob boyfriend and working his way through an 18-pack) Dean had instead been in bed, staring at the wall with wide, shell-shocked eyes.  It just didn’t make any sense.

Unless it wasn’t something Dean _did_ this time.  Maybe this time it was just _Dean_ that Cas was running from.

Three weeks should be enough time for Dean to gather his emotional shit and admit to himself that Cas wasn’t coming back.  But he couldn’t do it, couldn’t think the words even just to himself. He knew it though, somewhere in his mind or his heart or maybe even his soul; Cas wasn’t coming back.  It was over between them.

 

When Dean was jerked out of a dreamless sleep he stared at the ceiling for a long moment, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out what woke him.  The answer came a few seconds later, in the form of several sharp raps on his apartment door. Maybe if he just ignored whoever it was, they’d go away.

“Dean, I know you’re in there!  Open up!” Sam’s voice was a little muffled, but Dean was sure it was his brother.

Dean groaned and rolled over, pulling the covers above his head.   _I am_ not _going out tonight_ , he told himself, listening to his brother knock on the door for several more minutes before he realized that Sam was a fucking bitch and no, said bitch wasn’t going to be giving up anytime soon.

Dean swore as he threw the covers off and got out of bed.  He didn’t glance at his reflection in his bedroom mirror, he knew he looked gross.  How many days had it been since he’d had a shower? Or did laundry? Changed the bedsheets?  Those things didn’t seem to matter that much in light of everything else that was going on.

“I’m not going out!”  Dean told his brother before he even had the door open.

“Going out?”  Sam asked with a raised eyebrow as Dean opened the door.  Dean didn’t move to let Sam inside, and Sam didn’t try to get past him.  Sam’s expression suddenly cleared, and then he frowned. “‘Going out’ as in, what we did _last night_?  It’s morning, Dean.  It’s 7 am.”

 _Son of a bitch._  Dean thought.  How long had he slept, then?  15, 16 hours? Dean made sure to keep his expression in check so as to not give away the fact that he’d slept through most of yesterday.  “Why the hell are you waking people up at 7 in the morning, Sam? I’m not going jogging with you.”

“We’re going to Mom’s for a few days.”  Sam said firmly but evenly, eyes wide as if he wasn’t doing exactly what Dean didn’t want him to be doing; meddling.

Dean was fine, he didn’t need his brother to worry about him.

“Can’t, sorry.  I have work.” Dean said, moving to shut the door.  “Have fun, though.”

“I already talked to Bobby.”  Sam said as he shoved one huge foot in the door jam so Dean couldn’t shut him out.  “He said to take all the time you need and have fun.”

Dean snorted.  “I don’t need you taking leave for me, Sam.  Besides, you have school.”

“It’s spring break.”

“My car needs an oil change.”

“That takes twenty minutes tops.”  Sam said with an exasperated sigh. “Mom’s really excited to see us, she even invited Charlie and Kevin.  She’d be really disappointed if you didn’t go.”

Dean opened his mouth, but all that came out was a choking noise, so he snapped his jaw shut again.  Damn his little brother for playing the mom card like that, he knows Dean’s a momma’s boy through and through.

Still, though, he would love to go _home_ for a while, see his parents, eat his mom’s cooking, play dumb board games instead of watch tv on his phone, sleep in his old bedroom.  It’d be a good distraction to the shitstorm that was his life right now. He might even be able to clear his head a little, figure out what to do next.

Dean relented, opened the door a little wider so Sam’s toes were no longer being squished.  “Fine, but I’m gonna be a minute.”

Sam grinned.  “I’ll go grab some breakfast for us.  Be back in half an hour.”

 

By 9 am the brothers and their friends had packed, eaten, got an oil change, and were on the road.  Sioux Falls, South Dakota was a 6 hour drive from Lawrence, Kansas, but Dean got them there in 5. Sam and Dean’s mom, Mary, was waiting on the front porch for them.

“Hey kids!”  Mary called out.

“Hi Mom!”  Sam shouted.

“Hi Mom!”  Charlie echoed.  Charlie adopted everyone’s mom.

Hugs from Mary Winchester were a blessed thing, everyone got one, and when it was Dean’s turn, he held onto his mother like she was the only thing keeping him from falling off the face of the earth.

“Hey, sweetheart.”  Mary murmured into his ear.  “How’re you holding up?”

“Not so great,”  Dean admitted, much too softly for anyone besides his mother to hear.  “but a little better now.” It wasn’t even a lie, he’d really missed his mom.

 

Spring break passed too quickly, as all vacations tend to do.  On the evening before Sam, Dean, Charlie, and Kevin were set to go home, everyone decided to stay in to eat pizza and play games.  

While playing Cards Against Humanity with his mom might have been the stuff of nightmares for high school-aged Dean, playing with her nowadays was a blast.  Sam and the others helped, too, but his mother’s answers especially had Dean all but crying with laughter.

“Who’s Kanye West?”  Dean’s dad asked, eyebrows furrowed at one of the cards in his hands.  Charlie was mid-explanation when someone knocked on the front door.

“That’s probably the pizza.”  Mary said brightly. “Dean, will you get that?  There’s some money in my purse.”

“Don’t worry about it.”  Dean answered as he got up, already pulling his wallet out of his back pocket.

It was nice to get away.  Dean was having fun here, had caught himself smiling over nothing _twice_ today and laughed so hard during their card game that his sides were sure to hurt tomorrow.  Dean hadn’t even thought of what he was getting away from in a few days, he was going to have to thank Sam before they headed back home.

That train of thought came to a screeching halt when Dean opened the front door.  His quiet, newfound sense of peace was ruined by bright blue eyes, dark messy hair, and a gravelly ‘Hello, Dean.’

Ice flooded Dean’s veins.  And here he thought he was starting to accept that it was over between him and Cas.  

It took several beats of silence and wide, staring eyes before Dean had recovered from his initial shock enough to find his voice.

“What are you doing here, Castiel?”  Dean asked flatly, his voice as hard as his heart felt.

“You weren’t at home.”  Came the too-innocent reply.  Dean wanted to punch him. Or maybe pull Cas into his arms and never let the man get more than ten feet away ever again.  Judging by the way his fingers were itching to form a fist, probably punch him.

“I mean you’ve been gone a _month_ , Cas.  What are you doing here?”  Dean was yelling. The voices inside the house had already gone silent, he shouldn’t yell, shouldn’t make a scene.  He took a deep breath, it didn’t seem to be helping.

Castiel’s eyes widened, his mouth opened into a ridiculous ‘o’ of surprise.  “You’re right, Dean. I messed up, I’m sorry-.”

“Too fucking bad!”  Dean said, and yeah, he’s still shouting.  He took several unsteady breaths, trying to calm down, trying to prevent the tears that were threatening to spill and trying to keep his hands from shaking.  “You don’t get to take off on me, Cas! You don’t get to leave me hanging for a damn _month_ and then waltz back in like it’s fine.”

“You’re right, Dean, you’re absolutely right.”  Castiel said, not quite meeting Dean’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t care!”  Dean shouted even though it was very obvious that he did care, he stepped back and slammed the door in Cas’s face, trying not to see the hurt look on his boyfriend’s -ex-boyfriend’s- face.  Dean managed two shaky breaths before tears were wetting his cheeks.

 _Fuck_ , he thought, rubbing his face with the sleeve of his hoodie angrily.

He didn’t realize he was full-on bawling until gentle hands and a soft grip pulled him into an embrace.  Dean buried his face into his mother’s shoulder and didn’t care who saw him cry, so long as it wasn’t Castiel.

At one point, not so very long ago, he thought that Castiel was _it_ for him, the whole enchilada, the one he’d settle down with, white picket fence and everything.  And then Cas had just gone and thrown it all away, thrown _Dean_ away with no explanation.  

It occured to Dean that he’d probably lose a lot of sleep in his lifetime over a single question: Why did Cas leave?  

Like a switch had been flipped, Dean’s tears and sobs subsided, he hugged his mom again, whispered ‘give me a sec’ and slipped through the front door.  He knew, or rather hoped, that Cas wouldn’t have gone far, and true to form, Cas was sitting on the Winchester’s front steps, watching the sunset with wide eyes that instantly focused on Dean as he shut the front door behind him.

“Dean, I really am sorry-.”  Castiel began, but Dean cut him off.

“I just want to know why you left.”  Dean’s voice sounded dead, expressionless.  

 _Better I sound like a depressed robot than sobbing and making a fool of myself_ , he thought.

“Why I left.”  Castiel repeated slowly, his eyes taking in Dean like he was unsure of what to make of Dean’s sudden calm.

“What did I do to make you want to leave this time?”  Dean clarified.

“You didn’t do anything, this is all on me.”  Cas said, rising from the porch steps to stand at the bottom, looking up at Dean with a puppy dog-esque expression.

“Why’d you leave, then?”

“I was being stupid-.”

“I said ‘why?’”  Dean pressed.

“I’m sorry, I know I must have hurt you.”  Cas raised his hands, palms up like he was begging.

“You think?  Tell me why you did it.”  Dean was shouting again, he took a slow breath and counted to ten.  “Please, for my sanity. Why did you leave?”

Cas was silent for several seconds, looking up at Dean with those stupid blue eyes that were oh-so-sad.  

 _He’s not going to answer me._  Dean realized.  “I don’t know why you bothered coming back if you don’t even want to talk to me, you-.”

“I realized something.”  Cas said quickly, halting Dean from turning and going back inside.  Dean slowly turned away from the doorknob, looking at Cas with an expectant look on his face.

“Yeah?”  He prompted after a moment.  “What was that?”

“I- I, uh-.”  Cas stammered, eyes darting everywhere but at Dean.  “I didn’t want to tell you like this.”

“Tough shit, Cas.”  Dean said hotly, anger flaring in his chest again, setting his feet in motion to carry him down the porch steps and into Castiel’s personal space so he could shove Cas in the chest lightly.  Castiel stumbled back a few steps, but didn’t object to being manhandled. “Tell me now, ‘cause this is the last chance you’ll get.”

Dean watched as Cas’s eyes widened, his chapped lips twist up in pain.  “ _What?”_  He asked, like he couldn’t believe it.

“You heard me.”  Dean said, willing his ebbing anger to stick around a little longer to keep his tears at bay.  “I’m tired of it, Cas. Going down to the bar for a drink or to the alley to smoke a blunt is a _hell_ of a difference from not coming home for a month.  You don’t get to treat me like this. I’m done.” Dean turned on his heel and stomped his way back to the front door.

“Wait!  Dean, please, _please_ hear me out.”  Cas begged, his fingers pulling back on Dean’s shirt, willing him to stay.

Dean didn’t turn around, the tears were threatening to spill again and like hell he was going to let Cas see him cry.  “Spit it out, then.” He growled.

“You wanted to know why.”  Cas said, and Dean could practically hear him biting his bottom lip and running nervous fingers through his hair.  “You remember Daphne?”

Dean snorted.  How could he _not_ remember the woman Castiel had almost married, the one who left Castiel standing at the altar?  Wait a minute, did Cas go back to her? Is that why he left? Dean suddenly felt a little ill.

“If you tell me the two of you made up, I’ll break your fucking jaw, Cas, I swear to God.”

“No, what?  Dean, no!” He pulled back sharply on Dean’s shirt as Dean tried to make another quick exit.  “I’m just saying, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her, and I got hurt, you know?”

“I don’t see what this has to do with you leaving, no.”  Dean said with a shaky voice, shoving Cas’s hands off his back.

“Okay, okay, just _please_ listen to me.”  Cas waited a moment, as if checking to see if Dean was going to make a break for it now that he wasn’t being physically held back.  Dean didn’t turn around, he kept his eyes on the front door of his parent’s house and listened to Cas as he quickly spoke behind his back.

“I’m listening.”  Dean said, his voice barely a whisper.

“That morning, before I left, I woke up and saw you sleeping, and, and I just _knew_.  And it scared the hell out of me, Dean.  And I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. But I promise you I’ll never do it again.”

That actually stopped Dean short.  Cas had never promised to never leave again, he always just left it at ‘I’ll try to do better’ or other placating words.  Never ‘I promise.’ Dean turned around slowly, eyeing Cas from his too blue pleading eyes to his hands with palms up, begging for forgiveness.

“What did you know?”  Dean asked, wiping a few exposing tears off his cheeks.

“Dean, please, I didn’t want to tell you like this.”

“Tell me.”  Dean said with a forced calm.

Cas hesitated and took a deep breath, then lowered himself onto one knee.  “Dean Winchester, I love you and everything about you. From the way you put everyone else in front of yourself and take care of them to how angry you get when you’re on my case about smoking in the house.  When I saw you sleeping the morning I left, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Cas pulled a box out of his pocket, and looked at Dean with a hopeful smile as he opened it, revealing a plain gold band.

“I know I messed up, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I’m willing to prove to you that I love you with every day of the rest of my life.  Dean, will you do me the honor of being my husband?”

Dean stood stock still for what felt like a very long time.  It wasn’t so much that he couldn’t move, it was more like his brain ground to a halt because _this_ wasn’t what he’d been expecting _at all_.  He just kept looking at the ring, then to Cas’s face with it’s open, honest, hopeful expression, back to the ring, back to Cas, and he just couldn’t breathe.

It was when the look of hope on Cas’s face started to flicker and wane, when Cas’s smile slipped away and he bit his bottom lip, something he always did when he was nervous, that Dean found that his brain was slowly beginning to start up again.

This was his best friend.  He loved Cas more than anyone.  If anyone deserved a second chance, it would definitely be Castiel.  Before Cas could put away the ring and give up, Dean was on him, a full-on tackle that left the two men sprawled on the Winchester’s front lawn.

“Yes, yes, yes.”  Dean chanted in between kisses, and yeah, the tears were back, but both of them were laughing and holding each other too tight and missing each other’s lips when they kissed.  It was pretty perfect.

When Dean moved to get off of Castiel, he found that he and Cas had had an audience.  The pair were passed between hugs like crazy. Sam was crying, Mary was crying, Dean was pretty sure his dad had a few tears threatening to fall, too.

“I’m so happy for you.”  Mary whispered to Dean as she hugged him for the third or fourth time.

“Were you guys watching the whole time?”  Dean asked, stepping back and pulling Castiel’s hand into his own.

“The front window is _right there_.”  Charlie said, as if that made their nosiness acceptable.

“Pizza’s here.”  Sam suddenly said with a laugh, wiping tears from his eyes.  Kevin stepped aside to greet the delivery driver, and everyone started heading inside, all speaking loudly of what they should do to celebrate.

“Hey.”  Dean said, tugging on Cas’s hand to keep him from following everyone into the house.  

Castiel met his gaze with a blinding smile, a squeeze of his fingers, and a soft “hey.”

“You’re never leaving again.”  Dean said firmly, eyebrows raised challengingly.

“I’m never leaving again.”  Castiel agreed, grabbing at Dean’s waist and pulling him into a tight hug.

Dean went easily, kissing at the part of Cas’s neck he could reach until his lips met Cas’s ear and he whispered,  “I’ll hold you to that.”

**Author's Note:**

> This used to be in a collection of one shots, but I decided to go a different route.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
